What better day to write this blog than on September 1st. September is a special month for our family. My birthday is on the 4th, we got married on the 12th, engaged on the 27th, Aaron’s birthday is on the 28th, and our successful IUI that resulted in Peyton’s conception was on the 29th. We have a lot to celebrate this month 🙂
I can’t believe it has been almost a year since that very special but painful day we conceived Peyton. (If you want to know how that IUI went down and the rest of our infertility journey, you can refer back to my “Coming Out of the Closet” blog under the infertility tab) Going through infertility was one of the hardest things we ever had to go through. I would never wish that upon anyone… it is a dark, lonely road. But there is something about being told that you may not be able to conceive that gives you a completely different perspective and appreciation for pregnancy and being a mother.
I’ve been a mommy for 3 months. Not very long, obviously 🙂 These past 3 months have been the most surreal, challenging, and amazing months of my life. I spent a lot of time wondering if I would ever get the chance to be a mom. It’s something I have wanted for so long. Now that I am, after such trying times, I have never been happier. I look at this little girl, the miracle that she is, and feel so much love for her. My chest literally hurts sometimes when I look at her because I love her SO much. I never knew that type of love existed. She is everything I have ever hoped and dreamed for. I look at her in complete disbelief sometimes. I remember so vividly crying in bed with my husband when we found out that conceiving a baby wouldn’t come easy for us. It seems like it was yesterday but so long ago at the same time. Now here we are, with our little girl in our arms, and it just feels complete. Sometimes I hear her whine while I’m in the bathroom or listen to her coo while she plays with Aaron and can’t help but smile. She’s HERE. We have a daughter. This is the life we longed for. It happened. It’s incredible to go from feeling like we will never have a baby to watching my child as she learns and thrives every single day. She absolutely amazes me and I could never express how SO very thankful I am for her.
Motherhood isn’t easy. It’s hard from day 1. You have to make such important decisions like whether to breastfeed or formula feed, co-sleep or not to co-sleep, and vaccinate or not to vaccinate. Some of these decisions affect your child for LIFE and google is NOT your friend. It makes motherhood that much harder. These, and more, are all apart of being a parent. I take it all head on and do the best I can… to do the best by her. As hard as it is sometimes, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Peyton is my life. The struggle to conceive her makes her that much more special to us. We fought hard to become parents. Peyton fought hard to be here. If you know what our circumstances were, you know why 😂
Reminding myself of how hard we worked to get where we are today, with Peyton, gives me the strength to be the best mother I can be.