I am 37 weeks pregnant today and writing my very last pregnancy update 😦 I can’t believe how fast it went. The last few days have been very emotional and my brain has felt flooded with all different feelings. I think I have finally come to terms with having to have a c-section. As I have said in my previous updates, this is the LAST thing I wanted. I took it pretty hard and I was pretty much crying about it every day. I felt what many women feel. That my “womanhood” was being taken away from me. That I wouldn’t get to experience the whole labor process and being able to push my baby out. That all my research and preparation for a natural birth was a waste of time. That the birth experience I always envisioned would never be. But then I remembered something very important…
A year ago, we were still struggling to conceive. At this point last year we were going through all the invasive testing and blood work that comes with infertility. We tried so hard and kept failing and it was devastating every single month. If someone would have said to me “Look, you can get pregnant RIGHT NOW, but in order to have your baby, you have to deliver by c-section because the baby will be breech. What do you want to do?” I wouldn’t have hesitated for a second. My “natural birth” plan would have went out the window… and willingly! Because in all honesty, who the hell cares? It is truly a miracle that we were able to even conceive Peyton. I have carried her this long and although she is small, she is healthy. We are so lucky and blessed to be where we are today. All that should matter is that she is healthy and safe. If that means having a c-section and facing my fears, then so be it. THAT is motherhood. I’m not dismissing my feelings from before at all… or anyone else that may have felt disappointed about having one. It’s completely normal and expected, I think. Sometimes you have to find a way to put things in perspective. It has helped me quite a bit, not completely, because I’m still scared shitless about it lol But it is what I have to do to get her out safely. There are more risks with a c-section, of course, and she will be “early term”. Those things scare me and I’m super nervous… but at the same time, I really don’t have a choice. This little girl is stubborn as hell and does NOT want to turn lol There must be a reason and I’m going to trust her on that one.
I have truly enjoyed this pregnancy. Even with all the aches and pains, the anxiety and constant worrying. I have wanted this for a long time. On the days that I was completely losing my mind, I still felt so blessed to be able to experience this. I really feel sad that it is ending already. I don’t feel “over it”. I would stay pregnant for the next 3 weeks to her due date if I had the choice. But I don’t. I start crying when I think about not feeling her kick and move inside of me anymore and not having her all to myself lol Of course, I am so excited to have her here in my arms… but it’s just different when you have a life growing inside of you that only you can feel. It’s a special bond and I will never forget it. A lot of these emotions come from the chance that I really may not get to experience this again. If I don’t, that’s okay. But I’m gonna cry about it until she’s here lol
I don’t even want to end this post, but I have to before I run out of tissues lmao Thank you all so much for following along in my pregnancy. I have really enjoyed having you all along for the ride. I have heard from a LOT of you about your experiences and I really appreciated that. I am so thankful for all of the kind words and encouragement along the way. Next time I write, I’ll be a mommy! ❤ I plan on writing about the birth story, updates on Peyton, as well as mommy blogs so it doesn’t end here, so stick around! 🙂 Thank you all again so much! Wish us luck ❤
How far along? 37 weeks
Total weight gain/loss? Almost 27 pounds total gained!
Maternity clothes? Yes
Stretch marks? I made it out with none! Just the light ones on my butt that you can barely see. I guess genetics isn’t everything lol Sorry mom!
Sleep? You know.
Best moment this week? Just soaking in every moment I have Peyton in my belly 🙂
Miss anything? I think this one should just permanently be a Jimmy John’s sub.
Movement? Movin’ and groovin’
Food cravings? Sweeeeeeets, always.
Anything making you queasy or sick? The nerves about Peyton’s arrival lol
Showing yet? Duh.
Gender guesses? No guess! It’s a GIRL! ❤
Belly button in or out? Flat! lol
Wedding rings on or off? Off
Happy or moody? I’m all over the place
Looking forward to? Meeting our little girl :,,)