Pregnancy is such a wonderful time. Everyone gushes over your baby and expresses excitement and happiness for you. People look at you when you’re out in public and give you that little smile… well, maybe not to me because I look like I’m 16. I get looks of hesitation and probably a quick look down at my hand to see if I have a wedding ring on. People just talk to you more. You’re a walking conversation starter. Then there is the other part. No, I’m not talking about the aches and pains of pregnancy. I’m talking about the “unsolicited advice givers” and the “judgmental comment makers”.
I’ve never noticed how gutsy people can get when it comes to saying certain things to a pregnant woman. As if we aren’t irritable as it is. I’m not talking about the little suggestions people have given me about things that have helped them while they were pregnant. I appreciate those. Especially if I ask 😉 I’ll take any tips on how to make this process easier! It’s the “I know everything” and “I did it the right way” and “you’re wrong for doing it this way” type of people.
“Just wait until they…” … Um, yeah, because my child is going to be JUST like yours. If you’re starting your sentence out with that… just stop talking. It instantly pisses me off. “Just wait until they keep you up all night, then you’ll REALLY be tired”. I mean… what is the point of telling a pregnant woman that? It’s not encouraging or positive. Just because your child was a terror at night, doesn’t mean mine will be. If she is, I’ll figure that out when the time comes and manage it on my own with my husband. I don’t need to sit here and think about it right now with YOU. If you hear me talk about my back hurting and you say “just wait until you’re so and so weeks”… just know I want to smack you. Yes I know it will get worse. Thank you.
“Do you want more kids after this?” .. -__- refer back to my blog “Coming out of the Closet”.
“Omg you are soooo tiny!” “Are you gaining enough weight?” Okay, this one is my favorite. Yes I am tiny, I look in the mirror EVERY day believe it or not. How about not worrying about my weight gain and let my OB express any concerns, which they have not. Same goes for the opposite comment. “Omg you are soooo tiny” is to “Are you sure you’re not having twins?” Leave the comments about a pregnant woman’s size out of the conversation. Every woman carries differently.
“You shouldn’t be eating that”. Do you see the problem here? First the concern was my weight gain, now you’re telling me NOT to eat this brownie? Yes this has happened to me. More than once. Never tell a pregnant woman what to eat or what not to eat. Just don’t do it. It’s none of your business.
“Are you going to breastfeed?” Unless you are about to offer me some extra nursing pads or storage bags, don’t worry about whether my breasts will be feeding my child or a bottle will be feeding my child. That is a decision that is made between myself and my husband. My boobs aren’t your concern 🙂
“Ugh, my labor was horrible”. Again, why are we telling a pregnant woman about a negative experience? We are scared enough as it is. We don’t need your horror story. Your birth story is your own. It doesn’t mean it will happen the same way to someone else. If I am interested about how your labor went, I’ll ask you. Otherwise, unless it’s positive or you found something that really helped you during labor and want to share the wealth, save it.
I already know at this point that no matter what choices I make, someone will have something to say about it. I can’t stand judgmental comments and I’m going to have to learn to let them go. I’m not “new” to the world of children. I’ve spent years of time with infants, toddlers, and preschool aged children. I already have preferences for what I want to do for each stage and I’ve witnessed what has worked. With my own, I will still have ENDLESS amounts of learning to do. I will be learning with my husband on our own time with our daughter. The THREE of us. I feel comfortable with what I know right now. I’m not saying I’m not open to advice. I’m sure I’ll be asking for a lot of it! We just don’t need the unsolicited advice and the judgement from others. If you don’t like what we are doing, tough shit ❤